Ep 21: Dating As A Single Parent: Challenges & Triumphs

Welcome to Dating Greatly.

Dating is hard. From managing unrealistic expectations, to spotting red flags and avoiding situationships. Now imagine you've got a toddler in tow!

In today's episode I am joined by image consultant and dating coach, Celeste Moore, who shares her perspective on the balance of raising a child while navigating the dating realm and the challenges that come with being in the role of the protector while wanting to embrace the feminine.

We talk about rebuilding trust after toxic relationships and the courageous act of dismantling the walls that guard our hearts.

Celeste explores the realities of online dating - a landscape where truth can be shrouded in mystery. With tales of age embellishments and misrepresented facts, she underscores the importance of authenticity and attracting like-minded souls into our sphere.

Enjoy today's inspiring episode.

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Yvonne [00:00:31]:

Thank you so much, Celeste, for joining me today. I am super happy and excited to have you on the show today.

Celeste [00:00:39]:

Thank you for having me. It's such an honor, really. Thank you for this space, to be able to talk to your audience here and hopefully give them something that they can take back into their life and know that they're not alone.

Yvonne [00:00:57]:

Yeah. And that's super important. I feel like a lot of people in general, and especially women, sometimes they don't think anyone else is kind of experiencing the challenges that they're experiencing. And, yeah, I find these conversations can really, like you said, let them know they're not alone. So, yeah, very excited to dive in today. So I've noticed there's a lot of women in my sphere and that listen to the podcast that are single mothers and that are raising children that really would like a relationship, really would like a partner or companion to share their life with, to invite into the family. But there are so many fears and challenges that come up for them when they're moving back into the dating scene or into relationship. From your own experience, what was your journey like with that? If you have something to share on that.

Celeste [00:01:56]:

Yeah, thank you for allowing me to, like I said, have the space, because let me just start a little bit. Not at the beginning, the beginning, but my journey began after college, after I graduated, and I knew that I wasn't going to go to law school, and I really started to tap into my passions. And some of those passions were image consulting, because I just naturally really love to shop. I really love to make people feel better. So when I would take friends and family and it was like a kid in a candy store, and I was so excited and I didn't really know what it was, I was like, oh, it's just clothes. It's just the material portion of it. It was so much more for me, and it took me a little while to realize that I was making them smile. I was like, seeing their shoulders go back and I was just seeing different stages of their life and just by putting on the right colors and clothes and whatever, and it was just this really fun bonding experience so, long story short, I got certified in that.

Celeste [00:03:04]:

And then as I was navigating through the image consulting world, a lot of women were telling me to focus because, well, prior to that, I got certified as a matchmaker, but I really didn't do anything with it. But women were fascinated. Oh, you've got to focus on the dating side. You've got to do this. You've got to do that. And so it took me a while, because right after I got certified as an image consultant, I found out I was pregnant, and my daughter's father and I were not on the best area in our life. And I started to discover more and more about him, things that I just really did not want in my life or my daughter's life. And come to find out he was a severe drug addict and hit it very well.

Celeste [00:04:05]:

And little by little, it started to come out as he was trying to be and get sober. His coping mechanism and his coping skills were quite, I don't want to even say refined. He didn't know how to cope, and so he lashed out. And he was very violent and was very mentally abusive. And I knew in that moment that I would do whatever it took to protect my daughter. Long story short, I went through a long arteris court battle and won. And it was bittersweet. It was, for my daughter not being able to have a father, but also knowing that I could protect her.

Celeste [00:04:55]:

Dating, for me was really nonexistent because I was a sole parent and I was in survival mode, and survival mode for me, has only just started to dwindle. My daughter is 16 years old. I have dated, and I will talk to you about that and what that is like, and I'm sure shared custody or having a father is probably just as hard because you're a mother, and I don't think that ever shuts down. But for me, it was. Didn't have anybody to, oh, you're going to your father's house this weekend. So now I can focus on me a little bit. So it was a little bit different. I'd had to get a sitter, and it was just like, okay.

Celeste [00:05:41]:

By the time the day came and went, I was exhausted. But I started to date when she was here and there. 5678. Just not very seriously, though, because it felt so uncomfortable for me to want to bring someone around my daughter. And if it didn't work out, would she feel that missing piece for her would be even more difficult? So I was very conscientious of that. I was very more worried about her than me. And because of that, because I protected her so much, I lost a lot of time of finding the person that was right for me. And I don't know if some of your clients have similar experiences when you are a divorced parent and it's really difficult to, you want someone there, but there's all these other elements, right? You're worried about the children, you're worried about this.

Celeste [00:06:47]:

You're worried about maybe him coming in and wanting to take over. I mean, there's all of these things that pop into your head, at least for me. And that was my story. And I probably told myself a lot of stuff in my head that held me back 1000%. And so I started to really do some work inwardly, well, over the years, and I really wanted to work on myself. I really wanted to be, like, the best parent. I want the best business owner, the best daughter and sister and all that other stuff. But I really missed out on being the best me for me.

Celeste [00:07:21]:

And I'm really realizing in the last couple of years that it's time for me. All of that led me to start to rebrand because I felt so passionate about all these beautiful, successful women in my life surrounding me, who are single, so amazing, have so many great things to offer, but could never find that person for them, or they were dating the wrong person. They kept repeating the same patterns, and I was like, oh, it's definitely the men, right? It's like their fault. It's not our fault. But as I've learned over time, that's not the case.

Yvonne [00:08:12]:

Would be nice, but I know.

Celeste [00:08:16]:

So, naturally, I've worked with men and women, and the women that I worked with in the very beginning, it was very much of a challenge for me, and I think I have a very strong presence when I work. I'm very direct, and I'm not mean at all. I'm just very like, if you want to get to point a, point b, we need to go right? And with a man, you'd be like, okay, I need new suits. I'm a coach. I need to do XYZ, and we'd go handle it in a day or a few hours, and he'd be so happy where a woman would be like, oh, I'm going to take it back. I'm feeling like I just want to go back to what I was doing before. So I started working with men more predominantly. But now, in the last couple of years, I find that women are coming to me because it's a much different space.

Celeste [00:09:16]:

The biggest takeaway that I can give everybody listening here today. One, you can't control chemistry. That's something you're going to have to meet someone in real life. Okay? It is what it is. You can be perfect on paper, but that's one thing you can't control. And it can grow. So don't like, if there's something a little bit there and you feel like it could grow, then give it another chance. Don't give up.

Celeste [00:09:42]:

But if your values and your beliefs and your life goals align. I don't care about age. I don't care about hobbies. I don't care about even different religion. If your partner or the person respects you and allows you to be who you are, and you have those similar values, family values, or whatever it is, you want to travel or you're at the same season in life. And I say, why? Age doesn't matter. My sister's married to a man that's 20 years older, but they're in the same profession. They're very family oriented.

Celeste [00:10:17]:

They love each other. I mean, it's just a beautiful relationship. So it's possible, but you have to have those three things to really have a successful, meaningful relationship.

Yvonne [00:10:30]:

And those are, again, you said chemistry values.

Celeste [00:10:33]:

So it's actually life goals, values, and beliefs. And your beliefs can change a little bit. So don't think just because what you were taught as a three year old, because they do start when you're young, it is something that can change. You're not stuck with those. But I think as you move into another relationship, especially if you've been married and now you're divorced, you get to decide what those are for you. And this should be so exciting for these ladies, these women, and they should feel empowered. And I think the way to feel empowered is by getting very clear on who you are in this new season in your life. Owning that, loving, that cherishing, that celebrating.

Celeste [00:11:26]:

And then the other part is getting very clear on who it is you want in your life. We all know what we don't want. We've been through a few relationships or one or two or whatever it is, but really honing on those things, and I mean, getting really deep, not just, oh, tall, dark and handsome.

Yvonne [00:11:51]:

That was helpful. Thank you so much. And I definitely just want to go back and acknowledge you and thank you for sharing your story and being vulnerable about that time of your life, which sounds like it was super stressful. You're pregnant, ready to give birth to your first child, and things are so not calm or peaceful, but you're already in that mode. I got to protect my daughter. And then from that point, I can totally see how dating was so challenging because you're just focused on the protection of your daughter. Who am I letting in? And also probably, what if this person hides his drug addiction from me as well? Or hides something else from you as well? And I know a lot of women are super scared of attracting the wrong person again, like repeating those patterns again. So they make that choice where I'd rather just stay away.

Yvonne [00:12:51]:

And you mentioned that you started kind of to dabble in dating, like, when your daughter was between five and eight or nine. And I'm wondering what it was at that time that gave you the courage to just try it. What do you think that was?

Celeste [00:13:09]:

Well, I think everybody was like, what's wrong with you? You're beautiful. You're like, you have so much to offer, and I'm just like, some days, like I said, I just was just literally survival. Get her to school and make sure she does homework and work on my business and put a roof over her head. I mean, the really basics of life and giving her love and support. I'm the oldest of quite a large family, and there was something that I knew when I had my daughter that I wanted to give her my undivided attention and be there as much as I could. That was really important to me. All recitals, all her class things. And I wanted her to know that even though she didn't have a father, that I was taking on and I was going to be her rock.

Celeste [00:14:03]:

And that was so important, and it still is. And probably from what happened, it definitely took on both roles and probably more pressure on me and probably a bit more hard on myself, because there's nothing that made me feel more terrible than knowing that I could not give her. That's the one thing I couldn't control, was the relationship, the lack of relationship there with the father. And that tore me apart. And it's still very hard to know. I mean, now I'm healed from it, but it's still kind of like, I wish there was that moment that I said, why didn't I choose a better partner? Why did I beat myself up? Because you're right. Right. You said we're scared of repeating the same patterns.

Celeste [00:15:01]:

But what I did at that moment, I started to work on myself because I did not want that to happen, and it wasn't going to happen. So what part did I play in that? How was I not listening? Or maybe I was, because I always knew there was something in my gut, and it's really listening to that intuition, because every time I've listened to the intuition, I've always been right. And we have that as women. I mean, I think as humans, but women have it stronger. We know, but we don't want to listen. What started me to want to date again? I felt that I was not normal. I felt that I should be dating and I should be ready, and I should be all of the outside pressure. And it's not that I didn't want a companion or I didn't want a relationship.

Celeste [00:15:53]:

I just felt I was still. And this is life's work of. It's my life's work to work on myself. Right. I still felt I needed to protect her. And it was, like, so deep, and walls went up, so I probably wasn't the best person to date. I would date very without touching my heart. The Fort Knox was.

Celeste [00:16:24]:

Now I look back and I was like, wow, girl, you had some walls up. And so I'd go on dates. I'd be like, okay, well, there's always something wrong with them. Not me, of course. It's not this, not that, whatever. And I'm sure. I'm 1000% sure my energy was shut down, so people didn't want to approach me as much. It was very nice, but it was not the real celeste.

Yvonne [00:16:54]:

Yeah. What came up for me as well is you shared that being your daughter's protector and her rock and fulfilling both of those roles, like your motherly role and the father role for your daughter. And how many women actually have to do that? And then to let this, like, you're already fulfilling both of these roles, and you're probably actually having to be more in that masculine role of the provider, of the rock, of that strong person, even, like, the walls, like, protection. Right. And then to go on a date with a man, and you're already fulfilling that masculine role, so what do you need them for? And also, how challenging would it be to then soften and open your heart like this feminine woman? Yeah, I'm just like, as you're talking, what challenges that single moms have to go through and how incredible it actually is when they get to a point that they're able to let down some of those walls and open up.

Celeste [00:18:02]:

Yeah, I think I've been to therapy and self development. This is the first time I've spoken publicly about this. It's something that I just actually had a revelation two days ago. I was at this amazing conference, and I was so lucky and blessed to be invited to and all of these huge speakers were there talking about their success, vulnerability, and the things that they've struggled with. And something clicked for me. Know what has healed me has been a year and a half of my podcast. It is having experts like you share their stories and having real human connection. And the more and more you realize what I realized that I wasn't alone and that I had so much more support because I never asked.

Celeste [00:19:03]:

I thought I could do it all myself. And I think that's such a thing for us as single parents, especially women. We can do it all, right? We're super women. We are. We do it all. We cook, we clean, we tend to the kids, and then we do everything. And so I have been through years of therapy and all, like I said, and I believe that because I've had all of these amazing people on my show, each time there's something within me and that connection that has literally softened my heart has taken down the walls. And obviously, last couple of years with a teenage daughter is knowing that those walls are not working and they're not working for her and our relationship.

Celeste [00:19:56]:

So you better start getting on that. And so now I think I'm in a really place after 16 years. That's a long time where I can actually let someone in my heart.

Yvonne [00:20:09]:

Wow. Yeah. That's so powerful. And, yeah, the power of connection and the power of. For me, it's like the power of women coming together and sharing stories. And of course, there's men as well, but I find something so potent and connective about women sharing their stories. And I love, too, that. Thank you for sharing that.

Yvonne [00:20:36]:

And I love that you're an expert in this field of. Yeah. Dating and helping men and women, you know, enter relationships and all this and still, like, healing is always ongoing, but like you said, after 16 years, my heart is softening, and you're opening up more and more, and that's so beautiful, and it's so important to know that it's like, this super long. I don't think we'll ever stop healing. I just feel like there'll always be something.

Celeste [00:21:13]:

Yeah. And I think my biggest takeaway, if I would have asked for help a lot faster, it doesn't mean you're weak. It doesn't mean you can't do it all. I honestly feel the more support, the faster and really asking for it, because people really, truly want to help. When someone's asking from the heart for something, they remember that more, the person that actually helps, and so remember that they want to. And I just thought I could do it all myself. And so living in that world of aloneness, if you will, it serves nobody. It doesn't serve the children, definitely doesn't serve you, and it doesn't serve anybody that's trying to date you.

Yvonne [00:22:07]:

Yes, it's so important to be able to ask for help and to get to that point. And, I mean, that's a journey in itself to get to the point where you're asking for help. And I have many women in my life that they use the phrase, I don't want to be a burden. I don't want to be a burden. And it's beautiful to see them at some point, if they ask me, I feel so honored, like you said, for that person that's being asked for help. Like, yes, I want to help. Yes, I want to support you. And I feel so honored that you would ask me.

Celeste [00:22:40]:

I don't know where that came about, that it's shameful for women to feel that we have to ask for help.

Yvonne [00:22:50]:

That's just.

Celeste [00:22:51]:

No, please don't take 16 years. How much of my life has been on hold? It's not even that. Yes, I probably missed out a lot, but it's almost like that part of my life that has been on hold, and there's no reason. There's no reason for you to let someone else in. And, yeah, you did say something that's so common with women that are even professional women, just business owners, lawyers, doctors, whatever you want to say. But coming into the feminine energy, you will not attract that masculine energy, because two masculine energies is competition. And you feel it right away. And, yes, we are in our masculine a lot when we're professional women or when we're hustling.

Celeste [00:23:51]:

And even as mothers, handling stuff, but allowing somebody to lessen your load, allowing someone to allow you just to be in your own space and be softened and let them handle stuff. And I say this with, I run a business, so I don't mean let someone take control of your life. I'm saying let them decide where to take you for dinner. Don't worry about that stuff. You have to make all these decisions in your daily life, for your children, for yourself, and for the house. And wouldn't it be nice just to have someone say, okay, hon, let me pick you up at 08:00 don't worry about it. Just one night for you, just to have a good time, enjoy a nice meal, go on a walk, just not think of the everyday things that we always have to think about.

Yvonne [00:24:52]:

And, celeste, what you just said that was so good, by allowing someone to support you. You're not allowing them to control you. I think a lot of women, especially think, well, why would I let him choose where to take me for dinner or tell me what to wear? Like, that's controlling. But the relaxing into that and just allowing someone to make those decisions for us, like you just said, and I know for myself, these little things, like, with my man right now, when he's like, where do you want to go? And I just say, you choose. And I legitimately just want him just make the decision. And it's so nice. And he'll be like, hey, we're going to go there. I'm like, perfect.

Yvonne [00:25:36]:

That's so great. And I just relax, and it's such a nice feeling. And, yeah, it's just because I have enough things that I got to think about and organize and lead on. So these little things, it feels wonderful to let someone else just kind of take the reins.

Celeste [00:25:54]:

Yeah. And they love it. They do. Especially men today. They don't know where their place is at. This is a struggle that I'm finding in a lot of men that I speak to or that are my clients is there's not that 1950s man. There's also not this man out there who has a feminine energy. Right? The two feminines.

Celeste [00:26:17]:

Nothing happens. So it's like, oh, you decide. You decide. And it's like, nothing happens. So you've got to have the dance, you've got to have the two energies, and it doesn't matter if you're in a same sex relationship, a hetero relationship. It's the energy, and it's okay to tell them, you can open your door. We know that you can do all of these things because we've been working so hard to have equal rights. We're not quite there yet, but, yes, we can do the same thing.

Celeste [00:26:52]:

But allowing him to open the door for you, allowing him to kind of give him a purpose, makes him feel great just as much as it makes you feel good, even if it's a little bit of a struggle, because you do it all the time. I know that that was a struggle for me. I'm like, I naturally go for the door. It's habit. But allow him to do it for you, that's huge.

Yvonne [00:27:19]:

Yes. It's so funny that you bring that up, because just now on this weekend, I went for a trip with my man, and the same thing. I'm so used to doing these things, but I really love it when the doors open for me or when the car door is open for me. So I'm reminding myself now, as I go up to a door, just stop and don't be worried about the time. Just allow him to walk up and open the door. But I have to consciously remind myself, like, no, don't open the door. Just allow him. So today, actually, I stood in front of a coffee shop door just for a second and just stared at the door and then allowed him to come from behind to open.

Yvonne [00:28:01]:

I was like, thank you. It feels a little bit awkward sometimes, but I can tell he loves doing that. It's almost like he stands up a little taller. Chet gets a little bigger. And that appreciation, like, thank you for doing that, because for both, it just feels so good.

Celeste [00:28:20]:

Yeah. And I'm just going to use. I have two amazing nephews. One is the same age as my daughter, and one's a couple of years older, and my sister. You did such a good job raising those boys because they are such gentlemen, and there is such a lack of. I'm not bashing all parents right now, I want you to know. But there's just this lack of guidance with raising your sons to be gentlemen. And I think it's huge.

Celeste [00:28:48]:

I think it's missing in the world. It used to be like, that was what you do. And now I think because there's this confusion of roles. Yes. And that's a whole nother conversation. But when my nephew comes to my house, he literally does everything. He carries the groceries in, and he just automatically gets every door, car, door. We're out walking about.

Celeste [00:29:14]:

I mean, he just takes over. And it just is such a beautiful thing because he feels special and I feel like a queen.

Yvonne [00:29:23]:

Yes.

Celeste [00:29:23]:

And that's the beauty of allowing the masculine, and that's what it means. It's not the control. Right. So you might have to step back and take a minute, but that is huge when you're dating. And look, if he doesn't know, send him my way.

Yvonne [00:29:42]:

Yeah, exactly. In working with men and women, you have seen both of their struggles in the dating realm. How would you say men's challenges differ from women's? What are men's biggest challenges?

Celeste [00:30:01]:

So I love the fact that we can get on an app and find a plethora of people. I also really don't like online dating for. I'm about 50 50. I think there's success stories and there's not success stories, because what I feel that people can do so easily is lie. And so men are saying that women lie about weight, and they put pictures when they were skinnier online, but men are usually lying about height, and they're lying about income. And I feel like they lie about age way more than women do. Another thing is probably there's more women out there who come across as needy. Meaning, like, I've got to find the man.

Celeste [00:30:49]:

You see, Mr. Wright, is he Prince Charming? And it shows when you're dating because it comes across as either aggressive or you're on an interview instead of a date. And you're kind of like, I don't have time. I got kids. So let me rattle off, like, the ten most important questions. Who's your ex? And all of these things. And men will shut down. They will leave, and they will run so fast.

Celeste [00:31:20]:

And I think also men can come across as needy, too. And that says drama to women. We don't want any more drama in our life, right? We want somebody to make our life happier and easier, or people aren't really realizing what's going on with themselves. Oh, I keep dating the same person. That happens on both sides. The same person keeps showing up. And every time I'm like, that's not going to happen again. I'm not going to date that type of person.

Celeste [00:31:50]:

So really what's happening is it's within us, right? There's something that happens, and I think it's very familiar and common for both. When we're young, sometimes people say, you marry as a woman, you marry your father, or the woman marries her and the man marries his mother. Because what happens and so ingrained at us as children, is that when we're dating, even if we don't want to be like, I'm not going to marry someone like my father. I'm very specific about it. But my last relationship was a lot like my father. And what happens is you're attracted to familiarity, and that's what I should be dating, or that's what I'm attracted to. But your parents aren't always the example of what you should be dating. And so you have to stop yourself and say, is this what I am attracted to is what I need or what I want? So there's this very, you should probably be dating the opposite, just to try and be like, oh, my God, that's exactly what I need.

Celeste [00:33:06]:

So I think there's a lot of that happening. And, of course, if you're not self aware, if you don't work on yourself and, oh, it's the other person for sure. If it keeps happening, maybe look at yourself and realize the same things are coming up. Why are they coming up? What's coming up for you?

Yvonne [00:33:27]:

Yeah, something, actually, as you're saying, that came up for me right now. And it was the realization this wasn't in relationships, but it helped me to see this in relationships. So I used to work in hospitality, and I think over the span of, let's say, ten years, took me a long time to realize, but every place I worked at, I had conflict with a woman there. So this just kept happening. Every place I went to, I was in conflict with a woman. And it took me a long time to realize, what's the common denominator? It's me. And recognizing that and being like, okay, what is this? And my own insecurity about? I'm not good enough competition, like, that woman's better. And evoking all this negative energy.

Yvonne [00:34:16]:

So that was me. And then the same in relationships like, these issues, they keep happening. What's the common denominator? It's me. What is this? That's really helpful when we can start. I mean, you have to. In order to have a healthy, loving relationship, you've got to get to that point where you can look at your past relationships and be like, okay, this was my issue in this relationship. This is what my insecurity was in this relationship. This is how I contributed to this toxic relationship.

Yvonne [00:34:48]:

Yeah, I think awareness is key. And what you said, too, about the attracting our family, really like these familiar aspects. I always saw that as in the negative. So I always attracted the negative qualities. I always came into the role of. How do I get my dad's attention? My dad's not paying attention to me, so that would work itself or, sorry, be reflected in the relationship. So I always felt my partners didn't spend enough time, pay enough attention to me, and I was just repeating my daddy issues, and now I'm aware of a lot of that, and that's not happening. So now I'm noticing, like, I don't know if I'm articulating this properly, but familiar can also be a good thing.

Yvonne [00:35:38]:

So we'll attract our partners and they will have a lot of qualities of our father, but the good qualities, so it doesn't need to be this negative aspects. We can change it and attract the positive aspects of those relationships, if that makes sense.

Celeste [00:36:01]:

Yeah, I definitely feel that maybe I didn't say that right. Like, all of our parents are bad, but you think about it too, right? As I've gotten older, I realize when you're a child, you look at your parents that they know everything, and it's almost godlike, but they know it. They're my answer to everything. They're my mommy, they're my daddy. And when you get to a point in your life and you're like, oh, my God, they're just kids, or they didn't have the tools. Wow. What you did and how you raised me, my parents were teenagers. It's like, no wonder who taught them how to raise a child and cope with stresses of life when you realize that they did the best that they could with what they had, right? So something shifts, but that doesn't solve, like you said, yes, there are so many great things about my parents, but I attracted the bad things.

Celeste [00:37:07]:

Why? And then, so when I started to realize, okay, that is not what I wanted, but that was what I was attracting, okay, so now, okay, let me figure this out. Let me realize, let me go internally and say, no, celeste, and want this. So you need to do something different. And that's hard too, like, to know that, oh, shit, three relationships. And it's like, okay, but it also is empowering because, you know, and I think the more knowledge you have going into relationships, going into a new relationship because this one didn't work, right? Okay, I don't want this. And I know where I'm coming from now. So attracting, you're going to attract who you are, right? You're going to attract who you are. So know that how you show up in this world and how you are with yourself, if you have self worth, if you love yourself, if you respect yourself, you trust yourself in the decisions you make, you will attract that.

Celeste [00:38:16]:

It will just come to you. And I'm not saying that's woo woo ha. Honestly, in everything that you do, in the places that you are, and people always say, well, where do I meet him? There's nobody here for me. There's all of these million excuses I hear, and dating sucks. And when you go into this attitude of dating sucks instead of it's fun and it's exciting and there's so many things that you should be enjoying yourself and just having a good time. And if it's not a good time, okay, but going into an experience like that should be a lot lighter. And we put this pressure, and I think women too, we put this pressure. Well, if I'm going to date, it's got to be serious and it's got to be the one.

Celeste [00:39:00]:

And you're going to come into that meeting and he's going to feel it.

Yvonne [00:39:05]:

Yeah.

Celeste [00:39:06]:

And so the serial one daters out there. I've had a few lady friends, okay, I love you to death, but there's always something wrong. Right? Well, it wasn't like this, but you're coming in with this energy, and they.

Yvonne [00:39:23]:

Feel it, and it's also good reflection. There's something wrong with him. There was something wrong with the date. Again, you attract and who you are. So pointing out, like, this was wrong. This was wrong. That's probably also how you're talking about yourself. Like, I'm not good enough in this way.

Yvonne [00:39:44]:

I'm not good enough in this way. So that's also a really good indication to just. Yeah, there's always more work to do. Of course.

Celeste [00:39:53]:

Yeah. And I'm not saying you have to be perfect right before you go in, because there's a lot of healing. I think there's a lot of deep healing in a relationship, so you don't have to be completely healed. Women, men. I don't mean that. I just mean awareness and continue to work on yourself because we all can be better parents or humans or bosses or whatever. And I think when you're self aware, then you're in a much better place of denial or the things that hold us back to really finding that person. It's possible.

Celeste [00:40:37]:

It is a beautiful place to be in. And so I challenge you guys to really write down, like, I want to say 20 things. I don't even want to say ten things. There's always three deal breakers. And I mean, like, big, big deal breakers for me. Definitely no drugs. That is 1000% deal breaker for me. There's a couple more, but get real with yourself.

Celeste [00:41:05]:

Everybody's like, I got ten deal breakers. I'm sure you do. I'm sure you have more, but there's three that hard. Hard. No. So write down those things. Write down the things that you want. And, I mean, if you want somebody that's like, I want someone that's successful.

Celeste [00:41:23]:

I mean, that's so broad, right? I want someone that's dedicated to his work as much as he's dedicated to his family. So you've got success on both sides. What matters to you, though? So get really raw with yourself and be very specific. And I don't mean like, he's got to be six foot and not 510 or 511, because when you're that specific, that's just. You're missing out because you can meet someone that's amazing and they're two inches shorter. So women, and I'm saying this because we such ingrained in the height thing, right. And it might not be for everybody, but it's the thing. And then write about yourself, what you want to bring to the relationship.

Celeste [00:42:08]:

What are those things that you're going to be different in? How are you going to show up? And then, okay, you can do. And I don't think you should put your eggs in all one basket. Don't just go on online dating. If you really are serious. Find a matchmaker, do everything. Go out with people and be invited. And anything that you're invited to. Go to a dinner party, a house party, and also go to the places that those men are showing up to, who you want to date.

Celeste [00:42:41]:

Start new hobbies. Maybe there's no men there. Maybe you take a class that you've always wanted to take, but you're open and vulnerable and waiting. Not waiting, but you're not waiting. You're doing something for yourself that you're going to fill yourself up. And while you're doing that, you're meeting new people. And maybe that's the sister of a brother. So being open and putting yourself out there, but for yourself first, it's a good place to be.

Yvonne [00:43:13]:

Yes. I love that. And that lightness and that fun element as you're talking, that just sounds so much more light and fun than like, I got to create a profile, I got to meet the man of my life. I want a relationship. And, yeah, it just sounds a lot lighter. And in that feminine energy as well, of the space of allowing and discovering and exploring and that curiosity element, I love that.

Celeste [00:43:39]:

It's so fun. It's so exciting. I know where I need to be. And it took me a while to, where's my people? Where are my groups at? Start with your passions and they will always lead you to something else. Or maybe that's it. And I promise you will learn so much about yourself and in the meantime, you will meet so many people. Opportunities for you. And I think it's just opportunities.

Yvonne [00:44:10]:

Yeah. So if you think back to those first dating experiences when your daughter was like five or six, then you mentioned, like, you were so closed off and to today, where are you at now? And how do your maybe dating experiences or experiences with men in general differ to back then?

Celeste [00:44:35]:

Yeah, I mean, clear as day. Masculine energy. I'm in my feminine. I leave my masculine at home or with my business 1000% because that attracts nobody. I promise you're going to hit walls. It's like a cue ball just hitting the side of the pool table over and over and over and nothing. It's not going in the hole, it's just hitting the sidewall. Boom, boom.

Celeste [00:45:06]:

So it's pointless. And like I said, there's so much more healing that's going to happen in that really deep relationship also. It's more fun for me. Before I was like this, such a drag, like I should. And it's like this talk that I had in my head. And that has completely shifted because I just want to experience new experiences for me first. And you always have to put yourself first. And I love myself more.

Celeste [00:45:35]:

I was so injured for years and years and years, and I just kept putting up walls. I'm like, well, okay. It's not that I didn't deal with a lot of stuff. I don't know, I just wasn't melty cheesy sometimes. And nobody can get to know you. People want to get to know you. They want to know who the real you is, not what people want you to be. Remember, that is so important.

Celeste [00:46:06]:

The reason why we're beautiful, we're snowflakes. There's nobody else like us. And you will meet that person who is for you. The more you try to be someone you're not, you're going to meet the wrong person every time. And you're going to try to fit yourself into that. You're a square and you're trying to put yourself into a round hole. Why? Nobody wants that. And I, trust me, even growing up, I was like, oh, that person's so weird.

Celeste [00:46:32]:

I'd be like on the outskirts kind of looking at people in general, but I would always respect them because I'm like, they're who they are, though. That's so amazing that they're confident enough to be who they are.

Yvonne [00:46:46]:

Yes.

Celeste [00:46:49]:

That'S another example. But, yeah, I do it for me. Like, okay, let me go try a new class. That's a good first date. Don't go to dinner. Wine, coffee. That should be like when you know someone a few dates. If you still want to date them because it's so awkward.

Celeste [00:47:06]:

You can't drill them even if you want to, you can't. And you could find so much about them. Like, you can say, oh, well, are they adventurous? Do they whine if they fall?

Yvonne [00:47:17]:

All of these things.

Celeste [00:47:20]:

It's amazing that so many things you could tell about someone when you do an activity, and it's like a bonding experience, too. You have got all these endorphins that happen, and that's another connection. And maybe you're just friends, but whatever, it's fun for you. So do something. Take a class, do a stand up paddleboard. I don't know. Just do something that maybe you wanted to. It's a good excuse.

Celeste [00:47:46]:

Do it with someone you don't know. I think the biggest difference is loving myself, knowing my worth, knowing that I deserve to feel love and accepted and trusted and all of those things that we should have in a normal relationship, but I must have not. Right. And it allowed me to bring that person into the dating experience and making it more fun.

Yvonne [00:48:19]:

Yes. That's so great to think about, because sometimes that classic image of a first date at dinner, and it's so like, you're in the spotlight almost, and it would be so tense. But then, like, what you said, stand up paddleboarding. It's like, oh, my God, the beautiful nature. And you're getting exercise, you're in the sun, you're on the water, like, perfect. And if Buddy can't keep up, okay, well, then he's not your guy, but you got to go out on your paddle board and you didn't have to go alone. And, yeah, it's just, again, such a light way to look at that. Yeah.

Celeste [00:48:59]:

I mean, if you're a dog person, go on a walk. It doesn't have to be. So the beauty of it, you get to decide where and what you want to do. Meaning, if he's like, okay, I'll just tell him, like, okay, let's do an activity or maybe do something. I'm not saying to take control, or, like, this is what you need to do, but allow him to say, I'd love to do an adventure date. It could just be a hike around a new lake or something. Doesn't have to be so crazy.

Yvonne [00:49:37]:

Yeah. Keep it simple. Keep it light. I like that. Awesome. Thank you.

Celeste [00:49:45]:

Yeah, you're welcome.

Yvonne [00:49:46]:

Yeah. I do want to ask you as well. I don't know if this is a good question, but I just want to know you as a mother, how has that evolved? Like, your daughter is 16 now, and. Yeah. How has your role as a mother evolved and your relationship with your daughter?

Celeste [00:50:05]:

That's a good question. So I have had the golden child of a daughter when she was young. Okay. I was like, wow, this is amazing. We have this amazing bond. She's so beautiful and loving and artistic, and I could leave. She just wasn't a problem child. And everybody said, wait till she's a teenager.

Celeste [00:50:34]:

Because I was like, oh, your boys are so crazy. Anyhow, yeah. The last couple of years have been super challenging because for a number of reasons. One is we did move and shift across the country, but she wanted it as much as I did. But I don't know if she realized the impact it may have had her on, trying to fit in at 1314, trying to create an identity, even regardless if you're not in a new location. But teens of that age are just really struggling to know who they are and their hormones and parents are trying to control them and they don't want to be controlled. And it's just this tug and pull relationship. But because of the pandemic, I think it exacerbated my daughter's mental health.

Celeste [00:51:32]:

So mental health has been a struggle for us the last couple of years, but I'm the type of parent that is very involved. And I mean, in the sense, like, okay, let's get a therapist, let's get a psychotherapist. Everything possible, every tool, because I can't do it all. There's no possible way, and I know it. And that's okay. Let the professionals be involved, too. And I'm not saying, like, oh, they get all the power. I mean, I'm not an expert, and I need help.

Celeste [00:52:05]:

Again, asking for the help when you need it, it's okay, and you need that. Whether it's family, whether it's a therapist, whether it's. I don't know what the struggle is. I think every parent who has a teenager at some point needs some kind of help. And I'm so grateful for these people that have helped my daughter because she still has struggles. It's normal. But I think she has safe spaces that she knows that she can talk about. I don't need to know everything, and nor would she ever tell me everything because that's who she is.

Celeste [00:52:47]:

And she's a little secretive and we're getting past that because I think she felt that I would not understand or I wouldn't this. Like every teenager our parents are, oh, they don't understand my way of this. And just like maybe we thought when we were growing up. But I'm so blessed because honestly, lately she has been my rock when I've needed her. And I know that maybe is not normal because you usually have a husband or a wife or a significant other, but my daughter is in my corner because I've been in her corner, and it's been really amazing. And this is just very recent, so we have struggled for the last three years. It's been hard because I think that was the first time I also was like, shit, I wish I had someone to bounce off these ideas or take over for me. That was tough.

Celeste [00:53:46]:

Yeah.

Yvonne [00:53:47]:

Thank you so much for your honesty, for sharing that. I felt that for sure. And, yeah, it doesn't sound like it's been an easy ride, but what a beautiful relationship you guys have, even though it's challenging at times. And thanks so much for just being real about that and honest.

Celeste [00:54:09]:

You're welcome.

Yvonne [00:54:10]:

I think that's so important because on the surface we can look like we got it all together. We got it all figured out. And maybe, you know, how we present on day to day basis, that is positive energy, all happy go lucky, but in reality, we all have these ups and downs and challenges. Thank you.

Celeste [00:54:34]:

Yeah, you're welcome. That's the only way to. I'm very comfortable with being honest because I feel, like I said earlier, it is the only way I've really connected and healed because times that I felt like what I've told people what they wanted to. I have a very close relationship with my mother and my sister. I'm very lucky. But there was moments, too within our relationships that I didn't feel I could be completely honest or if I was like, I'm really struggling, I would feel, oh, you should do this or you should do that or insert the do this or do that. Where please allow the people that should be loving you and receiving you and allowing you to have that safe space are not going to be people that tell you what to do because that will shut you down. And it did for me.

Celeste [00:55:30]:

And I was like, okay, well, then I'm not going to tell you my struggles. And I needed somebody. I needed someone to have that, and that was really hard. And I know that even if you're married, too, I know that you don't always have that support with your spouse. As things change, I mean, relationships change, they evolve and children evolve and change. And I think what I could tell you from my clients that are married that I help with getting their sexy back is they seem to come to me because really, I'm not a therapist, I'm not a doctor, but they have a safe space where they're like, I would say the biggest thing is to be supportive of each other and respect each other. Because when you are a team that is so much more powerful than when you try to work on these different individual, then that's like a whole nother mess, right? I shouldn't parent like this or he thinks I'm this. You got to support each other in some way or shape.

Celeste [00:56:35]:

I mean, you might have arguments and disagreements, but when you're a team, man, that's what I want.

Yvonne [00:56:42]:

Yeah. That's so good.

Celeste [00:56:47]:

You can have it. I promise you. I feel like I really want to change the perception of dating, the perception of how difficult things are. And yes, modern dating kind of sucks, honestly. But it can also be really great. And I don't mean, like, you have to go in because shit days are hard. Excuse me. I don't know if I can curse, but some days, life is so difficult and so hard.

Celeste [00:57:18]:

And it's not always going to be like, oh, if I'm just happy and everything's going to be great. Well, f great being great. No, it's like if you just work at yourself and love yourself and really know that, who you are and what you want. And I know that sounds, like, so generic, but it's not for everybody. Not everybody wants the same thing. And be 1000% real with yourself. Be authentic to who you are. Don't feel ashamed of the things that you love, even if it's in the bedroom.

Celeste [00:57:52]:

Even if you feel like, oh, I'm weird, because maybe I'm kinky. Maybe what you feel is kinky. Maybe it's been somewhere down the line in your religion or your family, it's been shunned upon. It is not. It's okay to be who you are and love who you are. And I promise you, when you live from that space, you will find that person for yourself.

Yvonne [00:58:16]:

Yes, definitely tapping into the authenticity and expressing yourself, being real, which is a journey in itself. Every day I have to remind myself, like, it's safe to be myself. I'm allowed to express myself. I'm allowed to speak. I'm allowed to use my voice, all those things. But it is true. When we are ourselves, we will attract people like us, like the same weirdo, kinky freaks. We're going to attract them.

Yvonne [00:58:45]:

It's awesome. If I look at my friends and the people in my network, in my surrounding, my partner, yes, they're all uniquely weird, funny, great, wonderful people. And that's because I was myself with them, is how I attracted them. And, yes, that's such an important piece.

Celeste [00:59:08]:

That's beautiful. I think we learn that too late in life and the faster you learn it, right? I'm 47. I've taken a lot to learn, but nobody taught me, and I don't think we're taught a lot. So having coaches also in our lives, right. We're the best people because we're not judgmental. We'll tell you it's straight. We'll give you the guidance that you need. So that's also another amazing tool, if you will.

Celeste [00:59:39]:

And we give you more tools, it doesn't mean you're less than in any way that actually shows strength. It takes courage. It takes strength to work on yourself and own who you are and live in that space. And the more you practice, and I think that's really key. Right there is to practice. Practice every day with little moments, little tools, little affirmations, little things to help you and keep you on your journey.

Yvonne [01:00:09]:

Yeah, wonderful. And so for segwaying on that, practicing every day, is there any piece of advice or anything that you can think of that's a tangible, practical step that women or men could take towards being able to attract that person into their life or being able to just be their authentic selves? Like, do you have anything that you recommend?

Celeste [01:00:36]:

Yeah, I mean, I kind of said a lot in there already geared towards that, but I guess do something every day for yourself that puts you in the right space to find your person. So, like I said, build up your. If it's self worth for you, maybe it's not. I'm just speaking for something that I experienced and went through myself doing the things that validated who I am and continued kind of on those paths, like read the books, took the class, challenged myself. Because I feel like when you don't challenge yourself as a person, then you kind of just sometimes lose purpose. And I think we have to have a purpose. What is your purpose for dating? Ask yourself those questions. Is it just because society wants you and you should be traditional and that's not who you are? Don't listen to it.

Celeste [01:01:30]:

If it's truly who you want, if you want to have a partner, I guess, ask yourself why it is. If it's just for sex, be honest and real and it's okay. There's no right or wrong answer. But when you know what you really want and why it is that you want it, then go for it. Do a challenge. Maybe it's once a month you go out to a new place with your girlfriends. Or maybe it's, I don't know, trying a new restaurant. I would give one other advice.

Celeste [01:02:02]:

If you're dating on the apps and you match with somebody, have like, two texts with that person and meet up. Because I'll tell you, you will know everything about that person in one meeting. You'll figure it out. If you want to continue because this endless texting, this whatever. One, you're not going to really know if you're attracted to them. You're not going to really have that space. But two, it pushes you to learn how to date. And it's okay.

Celeste [01:02:30]:

If you're at the very beginning and you're just getting to know. Maybe you don't really quite know. And that's okay, too. Just be honest on your profile. Just say I eventually want a long term partner or a partner, but I'm just figuring out my dating goals or whatever and it's okay. So go enjoy yourself. Go have fun. And that's literally what I would take away from our conversation today.

Yvonne [01:02:55]:

Thank you so much. And how can listeners connect with you, Celeste? What's the best way to work with you? Or just check out your work?

Celeste [01:03:03]:

Yeah, definitely. You can go to my website, celestemore.com, can find me on social at Celestemore image. But honestly, if you want some free value added advice or listen to my podcast, because I have really great people on there. It's called the down and dirty, and we do have some male based topics, but it is for both sexes. Because when I think about it, it's like, if you're talking about men's sexual health, really, it could be something that you're interested in if you're in a relationship, too, and wanting to know these things, too. I just think education is amazing and it can't hurt. And then if you go to my website, too, you can just put your email in. And I like to send out blogs and information on dating.

Celeste [01:03:56]:

Like dating, like introverts how to date with your love language. Just really cool little bits and pieces there. So, yeah, that's it.

Yvonne [01:04:05]:

I love that. I will be sure to link those in the show notes so you can easily find that. And, yeah, I am listening to the down and dirty podcast. And, yeah, it's super awesome. And I love what you do. Celestia, I just want to say again, thank you so much for chatting with me and your honesty and your vulnerability. I just really appreciate that. And I feel like there's so many more topics that are coming to me.

Celeste [01:04:33]:

That we can do another show. You could be on mine. We're in this space. You and I are in this space. And I think people can really feel it when they listen. We're here because we genuinely, really want to help people, and a lot of that comes from our own experiences. Our certifications are great for them to see, but it's in a space of authenticity, and I feel that that's what we're here to do. Thank you for having me on the show.

Celeste [01:05:11]:

It's an honor, really is. And I hope everybody listening here today is able to take away something that's a piece of my life into your relationship. And there's a connection, and hopefully you learned something that's the goal?

Yvonne [01:05:25]:

Awesome. Yes, it is. And yeah, I'm sure many women connected with your story today. Final question before we wrap up for today. What song are you dancing to at the moment?

Celeste [01:05:39]:

I wish I could tell you a mainstream song.

Yvonne [01:05:43]:

No, that's no fun.

Celeste [01:05:45]:

But I am an EDM lover, a trance lover. So I like a different type of music. I like music that makes me feel good and has energy. And so I'm obsessed with a couple djs that just. I listen to their live stuff and when I'm in a funk, I just put it on and it makes me happy.

Yvonne [01:06:07]:

I love that. Yeah, you'll have to send those to me because I will add those to the dating greatly playlist on Spotify and that'll be fun. Perfect. Yeah, I like that. Again, thank you so much, Celeste, for coming on today, for sharing your story, sharing your tips and your experience. I really appreciate you.

Celeste [01:06:26]:

Thank you. Thank you.

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Intro Song: Bensound- Summer