Ep 13- Combating a Funk: Igniting Creativity In Relationships | with Kristina Eisenhower

Kristina Eisenhower is a creativity Queen and author of the book The Art Of Positive Disruption. In this episode Kristina shares how she used creativity to spice up her love life and pull her relationship out of a slump.

Yvonne:

Welcome to dating Greatly. On today's episode, I am super stoked to welcome Kristina Eisenhower. She is the author of The Art of Positive Disruption a kazillion Ways to Create a Kaleidoscopic Life. This little handbook has assisted me in my day to day by giving me the little spark I needed to stoke my creative juices. That was a lot of words. Christina has also been together with her husband for over 30 years, and she's got a lot to share about how creativity can positively impact your marriage and relationships.

Enjoy this episode.

So thank you so much, Kristina, for joining me today. I'm super excited to have you on Dating Greatly on the show today.

Kristina:

Thank you for asking me, and I'm happy to be here.

Yvonne:

So you're the Creativity Queen and the author of The Art of Positive Disruption, which I love. I always have it on my desk. I just love looking at it, too. It's so colorful and inspiring, and I just love kind of getting inspiration on a daily basis from it, pretty much.

Kristina:

Thank you.

Yvonne:

You're welcome. So, yeah, being the Creativity Queen, I want to talk to you today about how creativity can be applied to dating and relationships. So, to start off with, I want to ask you, what's the most creative date you've ever been on?

Kristina:

When you said creative date, what immediately came to my mind was back in college, maybe even less high school. I want to say late high school. We did these things that we called creative dates, and we would set them up for other people. One time we took them to this area that was just being developed. The streets were laid out, but no buildings or homes or anything like that had been built yet. So we took this couple out to this median of one of the streets, this grassy area, and set up a card table with a white tablecloth. And then I was a waitress and somebody else was a butler.

So we got the food made at home or from the grocery store or however we did that. And we fed them dinner like they were at some fancy restaurant, but they were outside on this median in this undeveloped area of the town. And then that was just one example that I was involved in. So it wasn't necessarily my date, but I was a participant in creating that date experience for them.

Yvonne:

So even back then, you were, like, super tuned into your creativity and creating this experience for another couple.

Kristina:

Exactly. All about creating the experiences.

Yvonne:

Tell us how you met your husband, because I know you and your husband have been together for forever, and it's just a beautiful story, and you go into it a little bit in your book here and there.

How did you meet your husband? How did that come about?

Kristina:

Well, actually, the best way possible that I think, and I feel like you would agree with this, and that is through a mutual friend. So someone who knew both of us, but we did not know each other. I was living and working in Kansas City, and he was living and working in Florida, and I had a business trip to the area. When I was coming back to town for this business trip, I called her.

Let's get together, or whatever. She's like, yeah, definitely, and you can stay with me for the weekend and so on and so forth. And I got a guy I want you to meet. And I was like, wait a minute. Why would I want to meet someone in Florida when I have a home and apartment and all that kind of stuff here? And she said she's from Alabama, so she has this wonderful Southern draw, and she's like, I can't believe you're so narrow minded, of all people. I was like, you don't call me narrow minded. I was like, okay, fine, I'll meet evidently this was still going on on the other side as well. And he had said something similar. It's like, why would I want to meet somebody from Kansas? And I'm happy with my life just the way it is, and so on.

And anyway, whatever she said to him, he said, send me a picture, as most men would, right. So she sends him a picture that was way outdated. I had long hair and looked totally different than what I was in reality. But he said, book it. We did it.

Yvonne:

Wow. And how long ago was this?

Kristina:

32 years and 14 days ago.

Yvonne:

Wow, that's incredible. So when you first met him, what was that like for you?

Kristina:

It was so exciting because I didn't know anything about him except for what my friend Re had said. And so I was, of course, asking questions. I was super nervous to meet him because she said, well, one, he's older than you. Two, he has children. So anyway, I said, okay, well, let's go to the restaurant where we're going to meet before he gets there so I can have a margarita or a glass of wine or something to calm my nerves. So we did, she and I, and there's a big plate glass window of this restaurant that looks out over the parking lot so you know who's pulling in.

And so these cars would show up, and I'm like, Is that him? Is that him? She's like, I don't know what kind of car he drives, but no, that's not him. When we'd see somebody get out of the car and sure enough, soon enough, this Jaguar pulls up this little white sports car, right? And this man unfolds himself from it because it's a tiny little car and he's not a tiny little man. He unfolds himself from this car.

And I was like, Is that him? She's like, yes. So he comes in. He, of course, recognizes Brie, and I'm sitting with her. He knows why he's there. He comes over to us at the bar, and he says,

Hi, I'm Peyton Gossin, and that is not my car. I was like, well, it's a good thing that I'm not one of know car girls, because that didn't matter to me. His car was in the shop, and he happened to be borrowing one from a friend.

Yvonne:

That's a good opening.

Kristina:

Yeah. Right?

Yvonne:

Yeah. At what point did you know that Peyton was the one for you?

Kristina:

It was like mean people think about love at first sight and all that kind of probably it was like that for both of us because I'm not kidding. That night, while ria's away at her dinner, he's talking to me about a marital relationship. He's not saying me necessarily, but he's like, that's what he's after. That's what he's looking for. And when he learned that I don't have any children, he's like, oh, you'd be a great mom and stuff. And then that's when I learned that his kids were not little. They were preteen and a teenager at the time. So I was like, children were never a part of my plan.

So the whole idea that this kind of conversation was going on on the first meeting, I was just like and so, like I said, we spent that whole evening until the wee hours of the morning.

And then the next morning, he called re because I'm staying at her house. And he said, how did I do? So he wanted to know what my impression of him was. And she said to him, she didn't know that you were as much older than her than you are, but she doesn't care about that. And she didn't know that the kids were so not children that she doesn't have to be a mom. So she's super cool with that. But she didn't know that you smoked and you smoked cigarettes in those days, and she doesn't like that. She has a problem with that.

And he said to her, well, tell her I just quit his package of, I don't know, Paul Mall or whatever brand he was smoking at the time, and threw him in the toilet, and he's never smoked since.

Yvonne:

Wow, that's awesome. That's a great story. I guess as we go through relationships and date in our life, when you meet that person yeah. You just know. And also your body kind of responds as well. Did you have anything like that where you just felt differently than with previous people?

Kristina:

Oh, yeah. I felt an instant kind of confidence. Not arrogance, but just like, oh, my God, I feel like I can do anything. He's my superpower, for sure. And I've told him that many times where it's like, if something is out of whack between us or whatever, then I plummet. And he was the first person of my life to say, you can do or be anything that you want to do or be. Because I never heard that growing up. My parents weren't that kind of encouraging and supportive and stuff like that. It was him.

And I remember the first time he told me, actually said those words. We were in a mall for some reason, shopping or something. And I just looked at him like, Are you for real? Because I'd never heard it before.

And when I looked at him, I don't think I actually asked, Are you for real? But something that I saw made me believe, and I've been believing ever since.

Yvonne:

That's awesome. Yeah, that's such a good indication. That confidence and also that encouragement and that you feel his encouragement literally boost your life, in a way. And his presence do that. His encouragement and his presence, did that also play a role in you bringing out this book?

Kristina:

No, not so much. More of a singular project. And as, you know, having read the book and something about me, that the premise of the book was that I was in a funk.

My life was not going the way I wanted it to. I wasn't being very creative in creating my life the way I thought it would go. So there was a wrinkle there that I was like and because I'm in a partnership, a lifelong marriage, it's like, Dude, where are you? I need you. That was part of my funk that I felt like at times I didn't have the playmate that I wanted or the partner or whatever, that I was there. I was physically there. But it was like, what about that experience?

People, strangers, perfect strangers would come up to us at a restaurant or whatever and be like, oh, my God, I've been watching you, and you guys look just so happy, and you talk so sweetly to each other and these different kinds of compliments that other people saw in us, again, we don't necessarily see it. We were just living it. We were just experiencing it.

So that was what I think was missing at the time that I allowed myself, I guess, to get into that funk and sink a little low, too low. Right. Then I decided, well, if I can't get it from somewhere else or I can't stoke him or stoke a friend or whatever, then I'm going to do it myself.

Yvonne:

Yes. So this whole book is around the art of creativity, tapping into your creativity and in your day to day and not making it complicated and things like that.

How has creativity throughout your relationship, how has that impacted your relationship?

And also now, as you were in this funk, how did it help you maybe come out of the funk?

Kristina:

Well, creativity will definitely pull you out of a funk, and as you know, maybe listeners don't. It's that creativity. I'm not talking about artistic ability. Great if you are, and I hope that everybody dabbles in it, even if they deny that they are. But what I mean is, like, if you want something, you need to create it, whatever that is. And so, for instance, romance, that was a number one issue for me. I wanted more romance. But you can want all day long, but it's not necessarily going to come your way unless you do something. If you want romance, create some romance.

And that's what I did.

Creativity is not optional. You don't have to be an artist to be able to create whatever it is that you want in your life. And it's your birthright and it's your responsibility to create what you want because it's not just going to drop out of the sky.

Yvonne:

What you were saying about romance, that you wanted more romance and you had to create romance to get romance because that's what you wanted. I think about myself with romance, and for years I was like, romance.

If I saw romantic scenes in a movie, I was like, I roll, like, whatever. But the honest truth is like, hell yes, I want that. So now I'm opening myself to it, and I am seeing a reflection of that coming to me. And also this thing about self romance, right?

Like to create romance, if you want romance, to create it for yourself. So, yeah, I guess some ways that I'm doing it is like lighting a few candles at night and dancing with myself and playing really nice music that I like.

And also telling people, like, words are not my strength, but telling people that I care about them, how special they are, that I love them. And I have never gotten so many kisses from friends. I feel like that's romance, too, or hugs or their expression of love.

So I really see how if we want this, first of all, we have to be open to it and then embrace it. And like you said, start with ourselves.

Kristina:

Absolutely.

Yvonne:

You being creative and creating this romance within your relationship. How did that affect your relationship?

How has that affected your relationship over the years? And give us some examples of what you did or what you guys did together.

Kristina:

When I realized, and I was probably talking to a girlfriend at some point, it was like, well, I just want some romance. I wanted this or that. I can't tell you exactly. I won't say, oh, I wanted flowers or jewelry. I've never been into that kind of thing, like wanting that kind of thing. But whatever it was, I wanted more of the spice, the spiciness of the romance. And through that conversation, I just remember the words that if you want romance, you better create it. You have to take the first step in creating what you want.

So I did, and that made me feel confident and capable, and because I was showering him or he's the one I wanted the romance with, then it definitely sparked and spiced things up. And all of that was great. At the same time, it developed a pattern, right, where it's like, oh, well, I'm the one thinking of all these ideas that we could do and go and be and see and all that kind of stuff. So that kind of became my role.

Yvonne:

Okay, I was going to ask you about that. I love the creativity and creating what you want, and then at the same time this thing comes up for me, it's like, well, I want my partner to do that. I don't want to do that all the time, so okay, it's interesting that you did start to encounter that.

Kristina:

Yeah. And that's, I think, where my definition and concept of self romance came from. And that wasn't until most recently, say, in the last five years, where it was like, okay, well, this is either a pattern that we cycle through or whatever, and I'm all about breaking those kinds of patterns, right. And disrupting, positively disrupting that stuff. So it was like, okay, then what's the next positive disruption? Self romance.

Yvonne:

What's one of the most creative experiences that you guys have had together?

Kristina:

There's so many. See, this is again, it's like, oh, I have to sift through all those exciting experiences.

Yvonne:

I've got one in mind.

Kristina:

Okay, well, I mean, the one that I wrote about the most was super creative, I thought, and was not so easy to pull off because I was in a foreign country, so I didn't have all the kinds of resources that I might want or need or whatever. But that is what I wrote about the round the clock romance.

And that was on our 24th wedding anniversary. And I showered him with trinkets of romance and gifts and things like that for the solid 24 hours. When it turned midnight on April twelveTH, I started and went until midnight on the next 24 hours later. And it was like time released. Right.

So every hour there was something else that he would find or would be presented to him or that I gave or explained and stuff like that. Romance, that was super fun. And I think in the book there are some photos of that too. I posted on Instagram afterwards, like, four of the 24 things that I had done.

Yvonne:

Yeah, that's pretty awesome.

Kristina:

Yeah, it was super fun. And he was very receptive to it, even because he knows me. You never know what's going to happen with me. So when the alarm goes off at midnight, he'd only been in bed for an hour or something. When I explained it, then he was like, okay, now here we go. That's right.

Yvonne:

Yeah. It sounds like he really embraces he's the right partner for you in terms of embracing who you are. Like this creative giddy out there being.

You don't fit the norm of. What the norm is, I guess of society. So it seems like he really embraces that part of you.

Kristina:

And he's super willing to go and do anything and everything with me, but like I said, as long as I plan it.

Yvonne:

Yeah. Where do you think your relationship would be at without the creativity piece?

Kristina:

Boring as hell.

I could say you can't be bored or sad and creative all at the same time, but I also believe that the boredom, the sadness, or the funkiness or whatever level you want to put that on is what stokes the creativity.

I think a lot of women get stuck in what we talked about before. It's like, Well, I want that for my partner. Why isn't he stepping up? Or why isn't he or she doing this?

But it's not up to them, it's up to you. That's why creativity is not only your birthright but your responsibility. You are the creator and you're the creation.

So go after it that way and it doesn't take a lot. Just one, like I said, just one tiny turn of the kaleidoscope. Just the slightest action will change everything.

Yvonne:

Wow.

Kristina:

Because they have no other way to if you change something, then those around you have no other choice but to change with. You may not go in the same direction or be exactly what you were hoping for, but everything changes that we can count on.

Yvonne:

What would you recommend for someone who isn't tapped into the creativity, for someone who might be bored in relationships or someone who desires romance and maybe is scared of disappointment already? What's like a first step to embrace this creativity?

Kristina:

I, of course, am a writer and a daily writer, so I always encourage journaling one.

It helps you get out of your body and your mind and your system, what it is that you want. It will be revealed on the page if you just put it out there. You don't edit that kind of stuff. You just simply say whatever it is that's on your mind or in your heart.

I think if somebody was wanting to spice up their relationship or get some romance going or put themselves out there to start a relationship or something, then write about what you want. What does it look like? What is the person like? What are the experiences or the events or the ambiance that you want to create? And then that's a step right there. I mean, that's creating something right there.

Yvonne:

And I loved in the book you have some photos of your journals and they definitely don't look like just long hand writing because tell us what else you added in there.

Kristina:

Every day got a different kind of different style of font that I was playing with. And then I'd make all the doodles and all the squibbles and all that kind of stuff all around it just to spice it up for me. Plus the fact that I don't always just write lines and lines and lines of pages. I'll give myself different kinds of prompts.

I also write in a different color every single day because, as you know, I don't do black or gray or stuff. So yeah, those different kinds of things. I tried art journaling, so I used my washi tape and all these things from my house and nature and just like decorated each page, all kinds of things. As you know, I wrote about that. That's a whole chapter called Wholeheartedly in the book about that. But it was mainly journaling because it's something I do every day. I could really get creative with it.

Yvonne:

Yeah, that's awesome. And then as you practice that, then or all of us, as we practice that, not only will we start to see that spark within ourselves, but also in our life and in our relationships as that is reflected back to us.

And I guess also gaining the courage to be more creative, to put ourselves, go a little bit further, push our edge a little bit, and then end up like you and your partner at a nude resort and community. Which is, like, obviously my favorite chapter of the book. I don't want to give too much away, but I do want you.

How did that idea come to you? This would be a good idea that me and my husband are going to go live in a nudist community?

Kristina:

So you were asking about some of the examples of the way that we've created a romantic relationship and kept that kind of excitement going and stuff. And it was his birthday, his 60th birthday, and I thought, okay, well, that's a big milestone and all this kind of stuff, and so what can I do? Okay. Yeah. How about a nudist?

In those days, we'd say, let's go to a nudist colony. We're not ants here. We're people. We're in a community. I found this place and booked it, and I told him that I would pack for him, I think, so that there weren't a lot of clothes or whatever.

And then once we got there or on the way, I think it was just about like an hour and a half from where we lived at the time, maybe 2 hours. And so on the way there, I think, is when I revealed Good Word the Surprise. And like I said, he's always willing and ready to go and do those kinds of things.

Yvonne:

Wow.

Kristina:

But he and I were on the same page initially because it's like we've never done this before. So now what? So we held up in our hotel room for a little while and then splashed out and get the book. And you'll read the rest of the story because it was quite a splashing.

Yvonne:

Yes, it was. That's awesome. And again, it would take a lot of confidence to be able to, like you're packing a suitcase. You're going there, like, confidence in your partner, in your relationship, and in yourself to be like, this is what we're doing, and knowing and trusting that he's going to be on board and supporting you in that. So I just think that's beautiful.

Kristina:

Yeah. And it takes a special kind of person to be that open and willing and go forward with that.

If he had some kind of major issue with it, we wouldn't have known until we got there, and I would have just said, well, then we won't go.

Yvonne:

It sounds like with each other you're able to push your comfort zones and have it be like a safe partnership to do that with.

Kristina:

Oh, yeah. I think we've definitely expanded our comfort zones. I certainly have, and I do all the time. I definitely push those boundaries and try to expand them. And I like that word expand as opposed to step outside of yes. Nobody wants to do that.

That's your fear. That's all that is.

Yvonne:

Exactly. I love that, too.

Kristina:

Yeah.

Yvonne:

Expand your comfort zone. Because once you do it, once even the things that we try, the new things, we never have to leave our comfort zone.

We just got to push ourselves to the edge a little bit. And then once we do, our comfort zone has expanded.

And then we just continuously do it and do it and do it. But we don't have to go outside.

Kristina:

No, exactly. So it's counter to what most people are saying these days in the coaching world, where it's like, step outside, get out of your comfort zone and stuff. Like, why would I do that?

Yvonne:

Exactly. Yes.

Kristina:

When I could expand it and have a much better experience without sheer fright on my hands? As the conversation has evolved, I keep thinking back on other things that were super exciting and creative and romantic and all that kind of stuff in terms of examples.

And I want to also give him some credit. I don't know that's the right word, but about our wedding, because, remember, he was the first person to tell me that I could do or be whatever I wanted to. Right. And I believed that, but I wasn't quite sure because I was very young. I wasn't quite sure what and who I wanted to be. Ideas, of course. And one of them was his partner.

So when it came time to plan the wedding, incredibly creative. Not at all what you would expect from a wedding. So one, it was on a Monday night in a theater that was showing a play, a live theater. The stage was set with, like, a house with a swimming pool where the orchestra pit was, and so that's where we got married, on that stage. We're the only couple to have ever been married on the main stage of that theater.

Yvonne:

Wow.

Kristina:

And there were 400 people in attendance. I wore gold, lemay.

We showcased every other creative soul in our circle of their talents. So my best friend sang from the box seats, and he had musician friends who were the played songs and the intro and the outro and all that kind of stuff.

And then, of course, we wrote our own vows and all that kind of stuff. It was a variety show, is what.

Yvonne:

I'm yes, that's what it sounds like. A lot of foreshadowing of your life to come.

Kristina:

Yeah. Right. So it's like, why would you start with that kind of thing and then fade to black, you know what I mean?

Yvonne:

That's right. Yes. Oh, that's beautiful. And that gives hope to a lot of us, I think. Yeah. Especially, like, women that may have had crappy, unfulfilling relationships in the past and have maybe felt no spark in their life or very dull, and they're now moving back into the dating or relationship arena just to know that.

This is possible when we embrace our creativity, when we think outside the box, when we move to the edges of our comfort zone.

So where can we get your book?

Kristina:

Various places. One, if you're in the United States only due to shipping costs, you can get it on my website, which is just kaleidoliving.com and then book or the disruption.

Otherwise, if you're outside of the States, it's available in many, many Amazon marketplace.

Yvonne:

Yeah, I recommend this book for sure. It just has so many neat ideas.

I'm myself, I'm someone who's sometimes blocked creatively or sometimes I think I need to be, like you said, this artist, and you really don't. And there's so many neat ideas in this book and some great pictures and just lots of inspiration.

I'm trying to find some pictures here where's the yeah, here's a picture of this is for the video version of the podcast, but here's a picture of Christina's journal, which is also very inspiring. And, yeah, I've gotten a lot out of it, so thank. Yeah, I recommend everybody get it, and it's so nice to look at. It's just wonderful room decor as well.

Kristina:

Really bright and yellow, the color your eye is first drawn to. I love what you had to say about the book, and I'm so thrilled that you're enjoying it and finding the ideas because that's the whole reason I wrote it, is to, as I say it's descriptive.

So I describe what I did in terms of experience, but then I'm this fountain of more ideas that I had to get out there. So if my description or my idea and experience doesn't work, then there's a gazillion more ways in each vignette that you could try. And that's all it takes is just one thing for you to put your signature on, to put your twist, make it your own. Right?

So my book is not a prescription. It's not a recipe, it's not an instruction manual. It's a creativity companion, I like to say. And it's suggestive. I mean, you can take that word any way you want. Both are true.

Yvonne:

Awesome. So before we wrap up today, I want to know what is your favorite song right now to dance to?

Kristina:

Oh, my God, my favorite song to dance to? I'm going to say hot stuff. Hot Stuff, donna Summer, is that what it's called? Hot Stuff.

Yvonne:

I'm going to add Hot Stuff to the Dating Greatly Playlist, which I'm curating from all my guests, and so far it's pretty awesome. So I just love just a great dance list for us to also be creative in our movements and just find a lot of joy. So that's available on Spotify, and I'll share that as well.

Kristina:

Okay, yeah, that one came to me because I just recently heard know I've been packing, and so I'll play music while I'm doing that kind of mindless stuff, and I just heard it, I was like, yeah, I just started grooving to it, and I think it's perfect for this dating greatly podcast as well.

Yvonne:

And thank you so much, Kristina, for joining me today. It was a treat talking to you, hearing about your experience, and yeah, you're such a joy.

Kristina:

It's always my pleasure to talk to you, doll. Absolutely.

Thank you for having me and for letting me share all of that. There's so much more. I mean, we can't really compact 32 plus years into or more. I mean, I've been dating since I was 16.

Yvonne:

Awesome. Thank you.